Meet the parents HORROR STORIES

The Bath-House Encounter

Elaine, 30 -- New York, NY

I am an actress, and while performing in a touring production in Germany, I was invited to go to a bath house on a day off with Alex, the stage manager of the show, whom I'd started dating. This bath house was an amazing spa-like place. The only thing that surprised me was, everyone was naked, and other than the changing rooms, every area was co-ed. They did supply you with a towel the size of a face cloth.

After getting used to the co-ed surroundings, I felt comfortable lounging and swimming in every pool completely naked. Until Alex and I were walking around and he said, "Oh there is my Dad, he's waving at us" and he calls him over. What do I do? I freaked and immediately did a cannon ball dive into the nearest pool like I was on fire. I think I managed to squeak out "Halo, wie gehts" from the pool, but I didn't speak very much German so mostly I just smiled and blushed as I sat naked in the pool. And you can bet I didn't get out of the water until I had prune-like skin.

The good news is that I did eventually marry Alex, because when you feel comfortable enough to walk around naked at a spa with a guy and his family well ... I think that is a good sign you'll be able to handle anything that comes your way!.

Jerry and His Upper Lip

Jerry, 39 -- Spokane, WA

I was in college and going to meet the parents of my girlfriend, Maggie, for Thanksgiving in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her family is huge, and they all get together for the holiday. There are so many of them they have to rent the dance hall in a little town outside of Tulsa for the event. The morning we left Lawrence, Kansas, for Tulsa I was starting to get a zit on my upper lip. Of course!

So for the next day or so I did everything I could to pop it and get rid of it. What I didn't know was that it was some sort of cold sore, and the more I squeezed it the bigger and angrier it got. By Thanksgiving morning it looked like I had a big red golf ball implanted in my upper lip. With about 60 people watching, Maggie's dad introduced us. "My daughter, Maggie, has brought two friends with her from college: her boyfriend, Jerry, and his upper lip." I would have traded places with that turkey in a heartbeat.

Still, it somehow all worked out pretty well. We dated for a while and then went our separate ways, but not because of the lip.

Trapped in the Bathroom

Alex, 36 -- Leesburg, VA

I remember the first time I met Maria's family. She's Italian and family gatherings are not just Mom and Dad ... it's the entire family tree and all the neighbors and family friends, too.

I was invited to this event at what her family called "family camp" which was this big one-room shack out in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania -- we're talking the woods here. I decide to go in to this shack and use the very small bathroom. Well, somehow the doorknob broke as soon as I got inside ... wouldn't move, wouldn't turn. I remember thinking "Okay, what do I do? Break the door, climb out the window?" There was no one in the house I could call to .. they were all outside, and I didn't want to start screaming. Finally someone came inside and I was like, "Um ... hello, hello ... could you get Maria ... I'm stuck in the bathroom." They couldn't really hear me through the door so she came around the back of the house and was talking to me through the window -- and laughing, of course. Eventually her brother had to get his tool set and take off the entire door in order to get me out.

It was the first of many times I was tested for worthiness by her family but I finally passed and we've been happily married for two years.

Chad Never Had a Girlfriend

Candy, 30 -- Los Angeles, CA

Chad and I had been dating for about a year. We were living in Los Angeles and his parents, who live in Virginia, came out for a visit. I knew he had a strained/strange relationship with his parents (he said he hadn't been home in over five years), so I was prepared for some weirdness.

I was to meet up with them for dinner at this chi-chi foo-foo restaurant in Santa Monica, along with a few of Chad's co-workers. So, I show up. I introduce myself. His mom gives me a polite smile and not much else. His dad blurts out, "I had a dog named Candy! She's been dead for years now, though." I just chalked it up to the weirdness I was expecting. I'm trying my hardest to be charming and impressive, even though his parents all but ignore me the entire meal.

Cut to the end of the meal. I say to his mom, "Well, it was really nice to meet you. I'm sure I'll see ya'll again. Let me know if you want to go shopping or check out the city while Chad is working. I'd be happy to show ya'll around."

Then, I see the light go on in her head. She shrieks -- in the middle of the restaurant (visual: large, Southern-accented woman) "YOU'RE CHAD'S GIRLFREEEND?!! WELL CHAD, WHAH DIDN'T YEW TELL US YEW HAD A GIRLFREEND?! AH THOUGHT YOU WORKED WITH CHAD! CHAD NEVER HAD A GIRLFREEND. WELL, HE NEVER INTRODUCED US TO A GIRLFREEND BEFORE!" And she laughs and laughs and laughs. Every head in that restaurant turned toward us. I'm speechless. I just want her to stop screaming and laughing. His dad is laughing, and clapping Chad on the back and saying, "Well why didn't you tell us we were gonna meet yer GIRLFREEND?"

Wanted. To. Die.

PDA from Papa-in-Law

Patricia, 45 -- San Francisco, CA

I met my ex-husband's family -- my future in-laws -- a mere three days before my wedding. On the night of our introduction, my fiance and I arrived at the appointed restaurant to meet his dad, stepmom and sister. They'd apparently been there for a while and were already "imbibing."

My ex's father stands up to give me a hello hug, but instead of a friendly, fatherly gesture, he places his one hand in the small of my back nearly on my butt and pulls our hips together in a tight squeeze that was embarrassingly too intimate and almost a completely inappropriate PDA.

What future dad-in-law does that? Apparently, one that dumped his wife a number of years earlier for a woman who was 20 years younger. All I can say was that I was totally shocked and appalled. I should have taken it as a warning I guess. I used to be one of those people who said, "Oh, you're marrying the person not his or her parents." WRONG. Now I would tell people you MUST get to know the parents early and run, run, run away very fast if there are problems of some sort that don't feel right.

Gramma's Job

Donna, 42 -- Chicago, IL

The first time I met Mike's Italian family, I sat down at a dinner table full of all the aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. They sat me next to "Gramma" and she said "I hear you have a nice job."

"Yes, I do," I said.

To which she responded, "Ah, the Old Man [referring to her husband], never let me have a job, all he let me do was f**k."

All the aunts and uncles screamed, "Ma, you can't say that!" and she said, "Well, it's true."

I was only 19 at the time, but Mike and I made it and have been married since 1982. And he's always let me have a job if I wanted it!